Managing Through the Holidays

Holidays are once again upon us and managing through the holidays is a theme that comes up for many.  This time of the year can be a mix of a lot of different emotions. Especially if you are already feeling despair and sadness, it can be quite difficult.  It can be a very joyful time, but it can also bring extra stress, emotions and triggers.  It is often a mix of emotions and feelings such as joy or happiness as well as grief and sadness.  And finding ways to get through unscathed can be challenging.

Managing through the holidays can be especially difficult for those grieving and those who have trauma triggers this time of the year.  There could be many reasons someone would be struggling this time of the year.  It could be a heightened sense that one should be happy and having fun during the holidays and feeling out of step.  It can just be overwhelming from all the extra stressors.  Finding ways to manage through the holidays is very important.

Stressors

This time of year, can have additional stressors from our normal responsibilities.  Some of these extra responsibilities can include attending holiday events, entertaining, gift buying, decorating, mailing packages, sending out cards, office dinners or parties, family gathering, family obligations and everything else that comes with this time of the year. It is important to remember we do have some choices here.  We can just embrace the craziness and accept what it brings.  We can modify anything we want to do and what we want to participate in.

There is no right or wrong way to do the holidays.  Of course, we may make other people unhappy if we do not give into their expectations. Which is okay. It just might cause some conflict or discomfort. But this is part of keeping to your boundaries and taking care of yourself.  But there are choices here.  We can all make what choices feel right for us.

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Be the Priority

We need to put ourselves as a priority.  With extra demands people often put their own needs on hold.  It is even more important to embrace self-care.  This is about keeping your boundaries or setting them if needed.  Not to sacrifice anything that jeopardizes your health or your sanity.  Put self-care and self-compassion as a priority and let it guide you.  This just might be another holiday season full of triggers and something you just get through.  If the holidays are triggering, you can choose not to celebrate or make it more manageable.  It is even more important to lean into self-care.

It is also important to keep to your routines and healthy habits as much as possible.  Getting enough sleep, exercising and eating as healthy as possible will help with managing stress.  If you have activities that keep you in balance, keep doing them.  Do not stop those important practices such as daily meditation or mindful practices.  It is easy to let go of these activities that really help us stay in balance when we get overwhelmed with commitments.  This is when we need to lean into our boundaries and saying “no” to what will take us away from our needed practices.  Of course, attending an activity and missing one day is one thing. But letting several weeks or a month past then you should reevaluate your choices.  It is making sure there is balance, and you are one of your priorities.

“It’s important to remember that although the hustle and bustle of the holidays are upon you, your daily routine should not end. Your everyday practices help to calm and center you, and you will still need them to get through this busy season.”

~Dr. Daisy Sutherland

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Grief

This time of the year can bring up and intensify the feelings of grief.  It might be an anniversary time but also the holidays remind us of what is missing.  And a reminder that your life is forever changed.  It important to remember you can have moments of joy and fun during this time, and it does not take away from your grief.  We can still experience gratitude this time of year even in the midst of loss.

It is also important to recognize we can have feelings that may feel contradicting, such as sadness and joy or grief and gratitude.  Emotions are often paradoxical since they are a mixed bag.  How we decide to move through the holidays during grief is very much an individual choice.  There is no right or wrong way to grieve.  We all grieve in our own way.  Be kind to yourself.  Give yourself grace and compassion.

“Know that you can feel both loss and gratitude during the holidays.”

~Laurie Kahn

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Finding Some Joy

A lesson that I have learned, is that life can change very quickly.  Is important to find moments of joy.  We can find moment of joy all around us.  It can be spending time with family or friends.  Spending time with your pets.  It can be connecting with nature.  We can crawl up in front of the fireplace and enjoy drinking hot chocolate or reading a good book.  Maybe hiking with your dog in the snow.  Watching a holiday movie or watching something that makes you laugh.  Taking time to find solitude or enjoying lively holiday traditions.  Try to find some moments of joy where you can, as we move through the rest of this year and into a new year.

Reflective

As we moved towards the end of the year and into the beginning of next year, this can be reflective time to look back on the past year.  And as we look ahead, we should take time to celebrate all the good things that may have happened this last year.  Though we tend to dwell and remember the more difficult times more, it is important to also acknowledge all the good and really savor those moments.  Most people probably have a mix of both.  Also, it is a good time to understand and recognize what feelings and emotion are coming up for you. It could be a reminder of what still might need to be processed or work to be done.

As you reflect back on past holidays, it might feel like you need to stick with traditions. Holidays have many traditions associated with them, but you can change it up too.  Make this an opportunity to change up and create something new or a different tradition. As we reflect, we can look at the why behind various traditions.  We can get stuck in old traditions but sometimes we need to create something new and different. Or maybe you combine old and new to create a new tradition.  It can be a one-off or it can be something new for years to come.

“A holiday is an opportunity to journey within.”

~ Prabhas

Photo by Tyler Nix on Unsplash

Final Thought

As we come up on to the holidays and towards the end of the year, I feel a lot of gratitude for what I have.  I’m grateful for all the people that really have supported me and value me. But also have other emotions that have come up that have included despair, disappointment and anger.  And that is okay; it is just how I am feeling right now.  However, you feel is okay as well.  Life is a mix of emotions which are constantly changing.  The important thing to remember is not to judge what you are feeling.  Emotions and feelings are not good or bad.  They do provide us with a lot of information. Just allowing them will help us move through them.

I will feel what I feel.  I will continue to process my emotions and feelings. As I try to grab onto some hope.  I think hope is sometimes bright and illuminating.  And sometimes it is just a small whisper in the dark.  I will grab onto that small glimmer of hope in the dark. Find my footing again. As I lean into grace and self-compassion for myself as I move through this moment. And I will also lean into self-care and try to stick to my healthy habits and routine that help me stay in balance. However, you are feeling this holiday season, my hope is you are able to stay grounded, find moments of joy and create some magic this holiday season.

“A candle is a small thing. But one candle can light another. And see how its own light increases, as a candle gives its flame to the other. You are such a light.”

~Moshe Davis