Seven Ways to Manage Negative Thinking and Make Peace with Your Inner Critic

If you’re like me, and most of the clients I work with, your mind is a noisy place. It’s constantly chattering away—offering advice, second-guessing decisions, revisiting past mistakes, even catastrophizing about the future. This mental chatter can be like having an unhelpful, judgmental, and opinionated backseat driver in your own head.

“The most difficult times for many of us are the ones we give ourselves.” -Pema Chödrön

The human brain, being the product of millennia of evolutionary fine-tuning, isn’t designed to keep you happy. It’s designed to keep you alive. Which is why the mind is so quick to highlight potential dangers, obsess over problems, and ensure you never get too comfortable. We have a built in bias to notice and prioritize problems for our survival.

In short, the very same mental machinery that helped your ancestors avoid being eaten by predators, is now being deployed to warn and remind you about that awkward thing you said in a meeting three weeks ago.

So, what can be done?

Most of us instinctively try to fight against this mental noise—to push it away, drown it out, or scold ourselves for having these thoughts in the first place. But here’s the catch: wrestling with your thoughts doesn’t make them go away. It just feeds the cycle, making them louder and more persistent.

A more useful approach is to change your relationship with critical thoughts, instead of trying to eliminate the inner critic altogether (which, incidentally, is impossible).

Instead of treating mental chatter as an enemy to be conquered, you can learn to observe it, question it, and—crucially—decide when to take it seriously and when to ignore it.

The goal isn’t to achieve some blissful state of uninterrupted inner peace. It’s to develop the skill of not being yanked around by every unhelpful thought that pops into your head.

Here’s seven steps to help you get started.

1. Stop Believing Everything You Think

The biggest mistake we make is assuming that every thought we have must be meaningful and important. A helpful illustration is to to imagine the mind as a radio that never stops broadcasting. Not every station or story is worth tuning into. Just because a thought pops up doesn’t mean it’s breaking news—it might just be static.

Negative thoughts in particular, tend to be more frequent and persistent, because from an evolutionary standpoint they were useful. Remember we have that negativity bias for our survival. The caveman who worried about potential threats—rather than blithely assuming all was well—was more likely to survive.

But in the modern world, this tendency backfires. Your brain still behaves with this conditioning to scan for danger, even when the biggest threat you’re facing is an overloaded inbox.

How to Do This:

• Start treating thoughts as background noise. Imagine your mental chatter as a radio playing in the next room. It’s there, sure—but do you have to pay attention to it. See if you can “turn down the volume,” and let the noise fade into the background.
• Label your thoughts instead of getting caught up in them. When your mind says, You’re going to fail at this presentation, try responding with, Ah, there’s the self-doubt channel playing again. Classic.
• Notice the repetitive nature of your worries. If a thought has shown up 800 times previously, and nothing catastrophic has ever happened, it’s probably not worth engaging with. It is just a thought.

2. Question the Narrative (Because Your Brain is a Master Storyteller)

The mind doesn’t just produce thoughts—it weaves them into elaborate, often misleading, narratives. It takes one offhand remark from a coworker and spins it into an entire story about how everyone secretly dislikes you. It turns a single mistake into a grand declaration that you’re fundamentally incompetent.

Here’s the thing: just because a story “feels” true doesn’t mean it is. Your mind specializes in cognitive distortions, such as overgeneralizing, worst-case-scenario thinking, and cherry-picking evidence to fit its own biases. Learning to question these mental stories is a game-changer.

How to Do This:

• Play detective. Ask yourself: Is this thought actually based on facts, or is it just a worst-case scenario my brain cooked up? What am I leaving out or overlooking?
• Consider alternative explanations. Instead of assuming, My friend didn’t text me back because they’re mad at me, entertain other possibilities: Maybe they’re just busy. Maybe their phone is dead. Maybe there isn’t actually a problem after all.
• Look for the exceptions and balance. If your brain says, You always mess up, try writing down five times you handled things just fine. (Spoiler: you’ll find them.

“It’s only a thought and a thought can be changed.” – Louise Hay

3. Stop Trying to ‘Stop’ Your Thoughts

Ironically, the more you try to suppress a thought, the stronger it can become. This is known as the “white bear effect”—if I tell you not to think about a white bear, what’s the first thing that pops into your mind? When we put energy and attention toward “not” thinking about something, we end up giving it more focus and power in our life.

A better approach is to make space for thoughts without getting tangled up in them. Instead of fighting against mental chatter, practice being mindful, acknowledge thoughts and let them pass.

How to Do This:

• Use the “clouds in the sky” metaphor. Imagine your thoughts as clouds drifting past in the sky of your awareness. You don’t have to chase them or get stuck in them—just let them float by.
• Try the “leaves on a stream” exercise. Picture placing each intrusive thought on a leaf and watching it float down a river. Imagine you’re on the river bank observing the stream of thought. You don’t need to chase or swim after the leaves —just let them drift by.
• Use the 3-Question Test. When a thought arises, ask yourself: Is this true? Is this helpful? Is this worth my energy? If the answer is no, try to let it go.

4. Reframe Self-Criticism as an Inefficient Strategy

Your inner critic isn’t trying to ruin your life. It genuinely thinks it’s being helpful. It believes that by pointing out your flaws, berating you for mistakes, and keeping you on edge, it’s somehow ensuring your success.

But let’s be honest—has self-criticism ever actually made you perform better, let alone made you feel better? Or has it just made you more anxious, hesitant, and prone to procrastination? If beating yourself up were an effective strategy, we’d be excelling.

How to Do This:

• Talk to yourself like you’d talk to a friend. You’d never tell a friend, Wow, you’re completely incompetent, and no one likes you. So why say it to yourself?
• Replace self-criticism with constructive self-talk. Instead of, I’m terrible at this, try, I’m still learning, and that’s okay.
• Notice when self-judgment spirals are just habit. Often, we criticize ourselves not because it’s useful, but because it’s what we’ve always done. You can break the habit.

“Nothing in life is quite as important as you think it is while you’re thinking about it.” – Daniel Kahneman

5. Redirect Your Attention (Because Thinking Your Way Out of Overthinking Doesn’t Work)

One of the best ways to quiet mental chatter isn’t to argue with it—it’s to redirect your focus elsewhere. Thought loops thrive in idle time, so engaging in activities that demand your focus can help to redirect attention and shift your mental state.

How to Do This:

• Move your body. Go for a walk, do yoga, dance around your living room—physical movement helps disrupt overthinking and reset the state of your mind and body.
• Engage in hands-on activities. Cook, paint, garden, play an instrument—anything that requires your full attention and focus will do.
• Use the “5-4-3-2-1” grounding technique. Name 5 things you see, 4 things you hear, 3 things you can touch, 2 you can smell, and 1 you can taste. This simple exercise pulls you back to the present.

6. Accept That Mental Chatter Never Fully Goes Away (And That’s Okay)

Here’s the unfortunate truth: no matter how much mindfulness you practice, how many self-help books you read, or how well you manage your inner critic, your mind will always generate thoughts. Sometimes helpful ones, sometimes ridiculous ones, sometimes downright annoying ones. Thinking is the nature of the mind.

But the good news is, you don’t have to take them all so seriously. You don’t have to get pulled into every mental debate, every anxious spiral, every self-critical loop. You can learn to step back, observe, and decide for yourself what’s worth your attention.

How to Do This:

• Shift from Reaction to Observation. When a thought arises, ask yourself: Is this helpful? Does it deserve my attention? If not, let it pass without judgment.
• Use Humor to Deflate Mental Chatter. If your mind is feeding you dramatic or unhelpful thoughts, exaggerate them to the point of absurdity or imagine them spoken in a ridiculous voice. It’s hard to take them seriously when they sound like a cartoon villain.
• Remind Yourself: Thoughts Are Not Commands. Just because your mind says something doesn’t mean it’s true or that you have to act on it. You can acknowledge a thought without letting it dictate your mood or behavior.

7. Cultivate Gratitude to Shift Your Focus

Gratitude doesn’t erase negative thoughts, but it balances them. It trains your mind to notice what’s right instead of fixating on what’s wrong. Gratitude strengthens the brain to notice what you appreciate and are thankful for, thus building resilience and emotional well-being over time.

How to Start:

• Daily gratitude list: Each day, jot down three things you’re grateful for. Be specific—“The warmth and flavor of my morning coffee” is more impactful than “I’m grateful for coffee.”
• Reframe negativity: When challenges arise, ask: “What’s one thing I can appreciate about this moment?”
• Create a gratitude jar: Write down moments of gratitude on slips of paper, place them in a jar full, and revisit them on tough days or as a reminder.

“The difference between misery and happiness depends on what we do with our attention.” – Sharon Salzberg

From Critic to Ally: Transforming Your Inner Dialogue

Your mind is a powerful tool, but like any tool, it needs to be sharpened and cared for to get the best use. Managing mental chatter isn’t about eliminating negative thoughts—it’s about changing how we respond to them.

By embracing mindfulness, self-compassion, and these other strategies, you can transform your inner dialogue from a harsh critic into a collaborative ally. That’s the real skill—not silencing the mind, but learning to live peacefully with it.

Take it one step at a time. Small changes can lead to big transformations. Explore these practices, integrate them into your life, and let them empower you to navigate challenges with clarity and resilience.

Photo by Ahtziri Lagarde on Unsplash