Research has shown that children of narcissistic parents may struggle with issues such as self-esteemboundaries, and identity formation. However, little research has been conducted on the specific relationship issues that the sons of narcissistic mothers may face.

The studies that have been done indicate that narcissistic parenting can have a number of negative effects on children. A study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that children of narcissistic parents have lower self-esteem and are more prone to anxiety and depression (Konrath, et al., 2011). A separate study in the same journal found that children of narcissistic parents are more prone to developing narcissistic traits themselves, as well as experiencing difficulties in relationships with others (Barry, et al., 2003).

When you are a young man and your mother is a narcissist, your view of the world becomes skewed, because you are commanded to see it through your mother’s eyes and do her bidding. Eventually, you see (or imagine) that most, if not all, relationships are like this. As a result, you may become programmed to steer clear of relationships and not allow yourself to be vulnerable as an adult.

Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is a condition characterized by an inflated sense of self-importance, a lack of empathy, and a need for constant attention and validation. Narcissistic individuals may have difficulty forming and maintaining healthy relationships, and their behavior can have a detrimental effect on the people around them with particuarly long-lasting damaging effects on their children.

This is one reason why a focus on personal and relational identity—which became so popular with Gen Zers—has now entered mainstream culture. If you don’t know who you are or have a positive sense of identity, it is difficult to relate to another person on an intimate level. In extreme cases, it becomes hard to relate to people or groups generally, because of social anxiety. When you are not certain about who you are and you have low self-esteem—because someone was always telling you that you weren’t good enough—it is difficult to trust other people or believe they are being authentic when they show kindness.

Once you have been gaslit, you will always suspect the people you are close with may be holding matches. And without trust, true intimacy is almost impossible to find. These issues directly impact your ability to have any kind of meaningful relationship, because you are always questioning yourself and the ones who love you.

Sons of narcissistic mothers often struggle to break free from their mothers. The book, The Sons of Narcissistic Mothers, by Randi Fine and Shari Schreiber, LMFT, is dedicated to helping men overcome the effects of growing up with a narcissistic mother. It offers practical advice and support for adult sons of narcissistic mothers who have escaped from, or are in the process of escaping from, their mother’s toxic legacy of smothering love, manipulation, and control. The guidebook is intended to help them come to terms with the reality of having grown up with a narcissistic mother and to help them move on.

If this has been your experience, know that it will take time, and therapy, but you can heal. You can work through your childhood trauma and discover your true potential as an adult. In doing so, you can experience greater joy and fulfillment and create a life that works the way you want and love the people who bring you happiness.

 

Share your thoughts and comments.

Our members are talking about this article on Belongly.
Register today and join the conversation.

About the Author: Barton Goldsmith
Honored by several professional associations, Dr. Barton Goldsmith is a multi-award winning syndicated columnist, radio host, psychotherapist, as well as a recognized keynote speaker. Since 2002, Dr. Goldsmith’s weekly column, Emotional Fitness, which is syndicated by Tribune News Service, and has been featured in over 5 s00 publications including The San Francisco Chronicle, The Chicago Sun-Times, The Detroit News, and Time Magazine, giving him a substantial readership. He has been interviewed on numerous TV/Radio shows and for many publications; his expert advice is regularly featured in Cosmopolitan Magazine and he is also the top blogger for Psychology Today, his Emotional Fitness blog has had over 34 Million views. Dr. Goldsmith has authored several books including; Emotional Fitness for Couples – 10 Minutes a Day to a Better Relationship was published by New Harbinger on Valentine’s Day 2006, and the sequel, Emotional Fitness for Intimacy - Sweeten and Deepen Your Love in Just 10 Minutes a Day released by New Harbinger in April '09. Dr. Goldsmith also published Emotional Fitness at Work – 6 Strategic Steps to Success Using the Power of Emotion, the third in the Emotional Fitness book series, that was released in September ’09 by Career Press, who also published 100 Ways to Boost Your Self-Confidence – Believe in Yourself and Others Will Too in May of 2010. His latest book, The Happy Couple, another New Harbinger publication was released on December 1st, 2013. His next book, “100 Ways to Overcome Shyness” was published by Career Press just last year. He has appeared on CNN, Good Morning America, Fox & Friends, CBS News, NBC News, Beauty and The Geek, The Ricki Lake Show and The Mancow Muller Show. Dr. Barton also served as the national spokesperson for the Mars Candy My M&M's Treasured Moments Challenge, and is currently the national spokesperson for the SunTender Pre-Marital Mentoring Program. “Dr. G” also hosted a weekly radio show on NPR affiliate KCLU, with nearly 90,000 listeners from Los Angeles to Santa Barbara. He received recognition from the City of Los Angeles for his work with survivors of the 1994 earthquake. His Emotional Fitness column was the winner of the Clark Vincent Award for Writing from the California Association of Marriage and Family Therapists. In addition, Dr. G received the Peter Markin Merit Award from the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists for his humanitarian efforts. He has also been named as the recipient of the Joseph A. Giannantonio II Award in recognition of his contributions as an Outstanding Educator in the field of Addiction Medicine, given by The California Association of Alcoholism and Drug Counselors, who also inducted him into The CAADAC Hall of Fame on October 1, 2011. Dr. Goldsmith was a National Merit Scholar and a Professor of Psychology at Ryokan College, Los Angeles. Dr. Goldsmith connects with audiences worldwide with his energetic, uplifting and fun communication style. Not a button-down shrink, “Dr. G” has a unique ability to inspire and entertain which leaves his readers, viewers and listeners always wanting more. “Dr. G” began working as a writer when his career in professional basketball was cut short because he only grew to five foot six inches tall.

Keep Reading

Want more? Here are some other blog posts you might be interested in.