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I should have gotten up earlier. I should be in a better mood. I should have been more present with loved ones. I should have known better. I should feel happy.’ That last one—‘I should feel happy’—is a particularly harmful statement. Many don’t realize how much pressure it adds to their emotional well-being.

For many people, there’s often a gap between how they feel and how they believe they should feel. While well-intentioned, these ‘shoulds’ are shaped by influences like family, friends, coworkers, and societal expectations. However, they often lead to increased anxiety and depression. When you tell yourself what you should feel, you invalidate your current emotions and minimize your personal experience.

A significant part of therapy is about exploring your emotions without judgment. As a therapist, my role is to help you connect with your authentic feelings and separate from the pressures of how you think you should feel.

With time and practice, eliminating that troublesome word—’should’—can help reduce unnecessary stress and sadness. Of course, we all prefer to feel happy, but the reality is that happiness isn’t always the goal in every situation. Events like grief, job loss, major life transitions, and breakups are examples where happiness may not align with the experience. Therapy helps validate those emotions, free from external expectations. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) can be highly effective approach in addressing these ‘should’ statements

 

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About the Author: Candice Beaton
Hey, I’m Candice, Founder and Therapist at Modern Therapy CB. I started this practice in 2020 with one goal: to create a space where therapy feels relatable and not overwhelming, like traditional settings sometimes can be. With 16+ years in the mental health field, I’ve learned that real change happens when you feel comfortable enough to just be yourself. I focus on building genuine connections because that’s how I can really get to know your unique challenges and offer meaningful support. I get it—opening up can feel tough. But together, we’ll turn that vulnerability into a powerful, transformative experience. At Modern Therapy CB, I blend science-backed methods with real-life tools that help you manage stress and handle life’s curveballs. My mission is to give you a space where you can talk openly without any judgment. We’ll dig deep to figure out what’s been holding you back and empower you to live with more confidence, clarity, and purpose.

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