By Therapists

When reality doesn’t match our desires and childhood coping mechanisms fail us, life presents us with painful lessons that may lead to depression. The patterns we developed in response to unmet childhood needs can strain our relationships. If we were overly indulged or our disappointment was unconsoled in childhood, we become easily discouraged or more willful as adults. Both responses hinder our ability to adapt to reality. Stubborn self-will can prevent us from finding workable solutions.

Maturity allows us to shed our illusions, accept reality, and take proactive steps to meet our needs.

While loss is painful, mourning is an important step in healing. Clinging to the past or unattainable dreams, blaming ourselves or others, or resisting what is can trap us in a prolonged depression. Freud noted that melancholia stems from an unwillingness to mourn. Due to excessive focus on past losses and missed opportunities, sadness lingers indefinitely and overshadows present and future possibilities. Depression and despair may come with self-pity or self-recriminations – anger turned inward, creating guilt and shame. We may not even know specifically why we’re sad, reflecting a refusal to let go and move forward from what we’ve lost.

Childhood trauma frequently underlies anxiety and depression. Failure to heal past wounds contributes …