Narcissists can be hard to empathize with, but research on inherited narcissism shows they didn’t choose to be that way; they bear scars from childhood.
Traditionally, childrearing, particularly by the mother, was considered the cause of narcissism. In recent years, more research and twin studies have also looked at genetic factors.
When you grow up with a narcissistic parent, you can get a double dose of hereditary and environmental factors.
Parenting
Psychoanalyst Heinz Kohut (1913-1981) believed that insufficient nurturing from their mothers (or other early caregivers) caused pathological narcissism, by arresting the natural development of healthy narcissism.
Without empathic parental interactions, these children lacked modeling, which stunted their emotional capacity to empathize.
Empathetic matching of feelings is also essential for the healthy development of the self. Instead of feeling loved and accepted for who they were, they grew up praised only for their performance and for being the best, creating a belief that their true self was unlovable. Who they were and what they did were never good enough.
Another psychoanalyst, Otto Kernberg (b. 1928), emphasized the significance of veiled parental aggression expressed with harshness or criticism stemming from anger, envy, hate, or indifference. Such parents may be domineering, exploitative, or manipulative causing a …
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